Emotions

BEWARE:  What follows is a brain dump from my confused head and swirling emotions…

While moving days are getting much easier due to our familiarity with the exercise, for me it is getting harder emotionally.  We are now at the point where we have our last several stops laid out.  We know how many more areas we will visit and how many more moving days we have until we are back home in Longmont.  The open road and endless possibilities are drawing to a close in this chapter.  We are close to completing the circle.  And while I am excited to get back to our friends and family back home I do not want this adventure to be over.  I especially don’t want to forget all of the mental images and videos filling my head from the trip.  I have perfect clarity on every step of our journey and I don’t want to lose that.  It seems like it all went so fast, how can we be almost done?  I vividly remember being on top of Raton Pass leaving Colorado on day number 1 and thinking, “we won’t be in Colorado for 5 or 6 months….longer than I have ever been away from Colorado.”

I look at the map we have hanging on the wall in Ava where we have tracked our route around the country and I am impressed by how much ground we have covered.  But while that sharpie line is long it is also very skinny and shows just how little we have seen…we have barely scratched the surface of what the USA has to offer.  We could follow our footsteps exactly and still have plenty to see.  Or we could go somewhere completely different.  We have decided to keep Ava and the Beast for another year so we can get a few shorter trips in and that gives me some travels to look forward to.

I feel selfish about this trip.  The rest of the family has had a lot of fun but they have left their friends and family and school mates and soccer and dance and Bible study groups…and they have done it all because I wanted to do this trip.  So for their sake I want to go home to Longmont and get them back to life as usual.

I also wanted to serve more on this trip.  I wanted to be a blessing to somebody.  Maybe we were in some way but I guess I hoped for something more concrete and obvious.  And I feel guilty that I wanted to be a blessing so that I would feel less guilty about taking this “vacation”…double guilty!

I will miss the seemingly endless family time, the adventures, the surprises.  I will miss the team work of moving day.  I will miss that feeling of getting set up at a new campground…a familiar house but in completely new surroundings.  I will miss the unknown of what we will see and do tomorrow.  I will miss the simplicity of life in a tiny house…I will even miss the times it feels too crowded.  I will miss having album worthy pictures to share every day and stories worth writing about.  I will miss long showers.  I will miss offices by the beach and with outstanding views.

I have anxiety about what reentry will be like.  Getting moved back out of the trailer and finding a place to store the rig.  Unpacking all of our stuff we packed away and stored before the trip.  Getting the yard back in order.  What will work be like over the next few months?  What will church be like?  Will I find a place to plug in….children’s ministry, music, something else?  Will I appreciate routine after 5 months of dynamic schedules or will I detest it?  Will I fall back into a routine of wasting time web surfing and TV watching with wicked fast internet and unlimited data at my fingertips?

Have I changed in any way from this trip?  Will I live life differently?  Has my family changed in any way as a result of this trip?  Will the kids remember any of the stuff we did?  Will they love traveling?  Will they take their kids on some crazy cross country (or world or galaxy!) trip someday?  Will Steph and I tag along with them in our RV?

My head is spinning.  I am at once both on top of the world happy and mourning.  I am both excited to return home and scared.  When I shared my anxiety and fear  with the family and likened it to the feelings I had before we launched on the trip Caden said, “and how did the trip turn out?”  Wise words!

Here is what I do know…God has blessed us mightily with this opportunity and provided us safety the entire way.  This has easily been one of the best times of my life (behind only marrying Steph and the birth of our three kids).  As many challenges as we faced before and during the trip and as much money as was invested in this trip I absolutely would do it all over again.  It has been so worth it.  There is no price you can put on the experiences and memories we have shared during the Wachs Across America!

8 thoughts on “Emotions

  • June 24, 2016 at 3:19 pm
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    All the posts were a blessing to me. I look forward to coming to work each day with anticipation to experience your next adventure through the blogs from you, Steph, and your three amazing children! To see your lives and how God is using each of you in your surroundings, you blessed me. I will miss seeing these daily updates. Thank you all for the joys of these blessings of being part of your lives these past months!
    I am sure you have many more adventures!!!

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    • June 25, 2016 at 1:27 pm
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      Thanks Aunt Megan…I am glad you were able to vicariously join us in our travels!

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  • June 28, 2016 at 10:07 pm
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    In a weird way, I have been feeling the same emotions “for you” and “with you” … personalizing the experience and knowing that I would be feeling the same way. We are definitely cut out of the same cloth. I think I might frame Caden’s wise words. : )

    Reply
  • July 13, 2016 at 2:38 pm
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    At least you all went and experiencedid this! I hope me and the husband can also, but he doesn’t have the gypsy in him like I do, nor is he carefree or a risk taker. ..I still hope we can go, even on a smaller time scale. Please keep us posted on your transition. God bless.

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    • July 13, 2016 at 3:12 pm
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      Thanks Wendy. I highly recommend stepping out of the comforts of life-as-usual and trying something drastically different at least for a short spell. If its living nomadically or something else I think it is really good to stretch ourselves. Life is full of unexpected things that cause change in our lives and often that change is uncomfortable. So I considered our journey as some change exercise…a way to train ourselves physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually for change. I think we all grew in those areas and now know that if we ever *had* to move or downsize or homeschool or work less etc that we *can* do it.
      It took some convincing and compromise to get my wife on board with the trip so don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some encouragement for encouraging your husband to consider a longer term travel adventure!

      Reply
      • July 13, 2016 at 3:27 pm
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        Thank you so much.  You put into words what I have been thinking exactly- but just could not express properly.    I am hopeful and will -prayerfully-press on with this dream.Encouraged; )Wendy  

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        • July 13, 2016 at 3:38 pm
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          One thing you can do that I wish we had done…there are LOTS of AirBnB’s that are either RVs or tiny houses. Take some vacations and stay in these. (a) they are relatively inexpensive as far as AirBnB’s go, (b) they let you experience what it is like to live in a tiny space, (c) help you learn which features are important to you in a small home so you can be better prepared when you go RV shopping and (d) it *might* help less enthusiastic parties see how great a small mobile home can be!

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          • July 13, 2016 at 4:34 pm
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            Heehaww!! He is on board with this idea!! We are throwing around ideas of where to go to that aren’t too far away from our home base of north idaho.  Thanks for the input!Wendy

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